Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Immature men, or possessive women?

 Today I decided to take a different approach on my blog. I have lots of friends that turn to me for advice with different problems. In many cases, I have been told that I should be a motivational speaker, lol (ME, ah no.) Anyhow, many of my friends are strong successful women. Some are single, looking for the perfect guy, some are married to men that are very successful, some are in a relationship with men that are not so successful, and some have it all figured out. (No one has it all figured out, but you get the point.) Today I want to discuss a friend of mine that has been in a relationship with a guy for almost 10 years. They don't live in the same house, but they do have a child together. My friend is very successful, she has good credit, makes good money, has a good job, and owns her own house with no debt. ( Well she has student loans, but shit, we all do.)

 For years she has been in a dysfunctional relationship with her baby daddy. He gets evicted, she lets him stay at her house, his car gets repoed, she co-signs for a new one, his phone gets disconnected, she pays for the bill. Meanwhile, during the 10-year relationship, he has had multiple relationships with other women and even had other children with two different women. Now, his excuse for being this way, (so he says), is because she wants to control everything. So one of the things I said to him was "If you are a grown-up, and you have someone paying for all of your bills, then that person will try to control you, like if you're their child". See, you can't expect someone to always give in a relationship and not ask for something in return. Whatever that something is, you will always have to give something back in return. It could be time, money, affection, you have to give something in return. Now, I said to my friend, you knew this guy was like this when you met him. Shit, he was living on someone's couch when you met him. 10 years later you are still in the same situation, he is not the problem in the relationship, it's you. 

She didn't agree with me, and that's ok, but she insisted on me explaining myself so I did.  so I said, he has 3 baby mommas, but he only calls you to get him out of the hole. Not because he loves you, or because you are special, but because he knows you are not going to say no. You see this guy, with no degree, 3 baby mommas, and a dead-end job has convinced this woman that she can't do any better than him. If you need another person to compliment you or acknowledge you, so that you feel valuable, then you are the problem. You need to work on loving yourself first before you can love someone else.

A lot of people, men and women are out here looking for supermodel individuals, but they are not supermodel material. There are many men that want to be treated like kings, but they don't have a castle or a kingdom. Just like there are a lot of people in messed-up relationships because they are afraid of change. You owe it to yourself to be happy, and if the person that makes you happy takes long to come along, then be happy by yourself, but be happy. However, If you chose to be in a relationship with a person that is not as successful, or accomplished as you, then make sure you're happy. I know plenty of men that take care of their wives, and they live happily and in harmony. For some reason, when it's the woman taking care of the household, in most cases there is a problem. So, I would like to hear from some of my friends on this subject because I think it's a very interesting topic are these men immature deadbeats, or are the women too strong and possessive? What do you think? Give me your opinion, let's have a discussion.

16 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I just read it , it’s really good and interesting cause the points you make when it comes to guys being deadbeats or the woman being possessive are good cause it goes both ways or how you see it also who your friend they need to love themselves more

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    2. People really do need to love themselves more. In any relationship, if you are giving more than the other person, that is a red flag.

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  2. I totally agree with this discussion. I just feel that many women get accustomed to their relationship. As a result, it is hard for them to let go. They may also feel that it is best to be with someone who they already know then to try a new relationship and still fail. Also, wanting a stable relationship doesn’t mean that a Rowan is possessive! This only shows that she knows what she wants!

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    1. Thanks for your comment πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ™‚

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    2. I have seen this with a lot of older people. They often times move to separate bedrooms, and are the perfect roommates, all for the sake of the kids, or because they are simply just use to each other. In this case however, this guy is not even a roommate, he only comes around we he needs or wants something.

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  3. To the people that stay in a relationship for any reason besides love, I say, I can do bad all by myself.

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  4. I think no matter how educated or strong we are as women, we fall victim to the system. So many of our friends and peers advise us not to take care of a man, but it's ok for a man to take care of a woman. If he plays the house husband role, and does it well, what's the problem? Some men are better in the house than a lot of women.

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    1. Thanks for your comment πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ™‚

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    2. I get it, and it's true that some men may be better house husbands than a lot of women. I know a couple, both professionals, the wife got her degree here in the U.S., and the husband in the Dominican Republic. She moved her family to the states, and they decided that he would stay at home and raise the kids, because he doesn't speak the language, and that way they save money by not sending them to day care, and the kids have quality time with their dad. I see nothing wrong with that, men do it all the time. What I see a problem with is when anyone takes advantage of a situation, man or woman. The guy from the discussion is clearly taking advantage.

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  5. I personally don’t see a problem with a woman being successful while in a relationship. Love has nothing to do with ones success and if that becomes a problem then that couple wasn’t meant to be.

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    1. I don't think that should be an issue in a relationship, if it is, then it's time to go. The problem is the instability this guy has. If a man only calls you when he needs you, that's a big red flag.

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  6. Thanks for your comment πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ™‚

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